Okay, so who saw last night’s episode of The Apprentice? The one where Sir Alan’s increasingly hapless bunch of dimwits (sorry, potential employees) had to create a bath and bodycare range? I’ve never seen anything so cringeworthy in all my life! Aside from the fact that one team actually put soggy, sticky honeycomb into a bar of soap (why they didn’t go the whole hog and include the bees I don’t know), it also featured some of the worst ‘managing’ I’ve ever seen and – to top things off – a grown man squealing at the sight of crabs (yes, the sea-dwelling variety in case you ask).

The funniest bit, of course, was ‘Oilgate’ (where poor Yasmina – a woman who says she wishes she’d been the brains behind Microsoft – confused cedarwood oil (nice but relatively cheap) and Sandalwood oil (very nice indeed and a small fortune to buy) and sent production costs soaring to such a degree that the group ended up making a loss. Failing to spot the mistake, team leader Paula (great hair, ever greater accent) claimed the raw materials would cost ‘naff all’. In fact, they came in a £700.

Now, just in case you’re reading this Yasmina, sandalwood is one of the oldest and most revered of all fragrance ingredients, comes from Mysore in India and has a wonderfully, warm, sensual and sweet aroma that’s long-lasting and fabulously masculine. Hence you find it in many men’s fragrances and as the dominant note in ones like this. Cedarwood, on the other hand, smells a bit like pencil shavings and is a natural moth-repellent. 

PS. Thumbs up to metrosexual Geordie Philip who proudly admitted to wearing a touch of slap now and then and said: “I enjoy the odd cosmetic and from past experience with former girlfriends I’ve got a fair grasp of the market.”